Kim Curd
  • Home
  • About Kim
  • Horses & Nature
  • Service
  • Blog
  • Contact

Kim Curd

Know Your Self, Trust Your Self, Love Your Self

  • Home
  • About Kim
  • Horses & Nature
  • Service
  • Blog
  • Contact
Author

Kim Curd

Kim Curd

Being Friends with Snakes
Blog

Being Friends with Snakes

by Kim Curd July 6, 2019
written by Kim Curd
At times, what we want might seem impossible. When we do gather the hutzbah to reach for it, people around us can say, “I always knew you could do it”. We are often times the last to see our self in a new way. 
 
My daughter said the other day (she’s eleven), “when my teacher said I am a strong leader, it made me wonder what would happen if I wasn’t that. So I stopped leading, until my friends called me back. And now I am in the middle, sometime leading, sometime following, depending on how I feel.”  This is exactly how horse herds work; the leader is whomever has the right skills and energy in the moment, for what is required.  Every horse is a leader. 
 
How liberating, to try different ways of being, and know none can contain all of who we are!
 
What is possible if I am all and any way, as best embodies my values, my hopes, my dreams, at this time?
 
I’ve been playing with this for my self about snakes ever since I moved to the country. Terrified of them because my mother was terrified, I knew they were here first, so I would need to get along. How gentle life can be, as I declared I would befriend snakes. Rather than running out to pet one, I simply opened my self to the possibility of being friends with them. The first snake I saw was bright emerald green, my favourite colour, and she moved slowly and stayed at a distance across our garden. I was able to stand and watch, and admire her colour. I never saw her again. Then I saw two baby snake skins in our hay bales, snuggled side by side, as infants. Now I walk through our fields asking life to be gentle about introducing me to snakes and so far, so good.  I am nervous still, not rushing to hold, yet I love them and appreciate their company here. 
 
Life is too short to be contained by old stories of self. We can choose to be any and all ways, in every moment. Life is getting enormously exciting, as I choose new ways of being. I hope you will try it. Reach me if you want support to explore.
 
With love,
Kim
July 6, 2019 0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterest
Healing Our Relationship to Mother
Blog

Healing Our Relationship to Mother

by Kim Curd May 31, 2019
written by Kim Curd

Most of us are building our life on top of a wounded relationship with mother; the archetype, THE Mother, whether biological or our primary caregiver.  Many have lost their good mothers. To understand our self, certainly to step into divine feminine, we must understand our relationship with mother.

If we have an incessant drive to create and achieve, ever present anxiety, feeling lost, a lack of boundaries, if we shun anger or rage in our self and in others, these are visible doorways to mother.  We don’t have to be at war with mother to be at the effect of her. 

I recently called a therapist to help me, because as I age, my relationship with my mother is beckoning me to make a significant change.  As I become more self aware and as I begin to thrive, my relationship with her stands out as failing. I revert in an instant to being an angry teenager, set off in an instant, and it takes enormous energy to call or visit. There is something here for me to learn, that will play out in other areas of my life, of that I am sure, and I do want harmony with my mom. So rather than staying stuck, I called Pauline for a therapy session.

She invited me to consider my reactions today are the same as when I was a child; numbness in my face, the slowing down of my response time, my higher voice, the drop in my stomach, all physical signs of fear and the cortisol wave preparing me for flight or fight.  How can discussing the Easter menu, trigger my body into a fight to survive?  When we have years of unexpressed feelings it is like a powder keg waiting for a fuse.

Families often have narcissists at the head and the therapeutic profession considers narcissism a form of emotional abuse. They don’t have to be grandiose to be a narcissist. Meredith Kavanagh’s article 7 Characteristics of a Covert Narcissist, introduces a covert narcissist in an easy to read way,

“Covert narcissism is also referred to as closet narcissism, hypersensitive narcissism, and vulnerable narcissism. As these names point out, someone with this version of traits is generally more shy, sensitive, and insecure. But those feelings of insecurity and weakness turn into defensiveness and anger.

Psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman explained it to Scientific American:

“While the ‘overt narcissists tended to be aggressive, self-aggrandizing, exploitative, and have extreme delusions of grandeur and a need for attention, ‘covert’ narcissists were more prone to feelings of neglect or belittlement, hypersensitivity, anxiety, and delusions of persecution.””

 

To reflect, do I have a consummate burden, worry, or goal in life to earn an other’s love or see them be happy? Do I find myself on a one-way street, against my natural state, for the other? Stay, be silent, agree, be small.  We learn to do this to stay safe and earn love as children. 

When we continue the dance as adults, it fuels the feeling of never enough, or believing we are bad. We take on  mother’s judgements and worries as truth; many live with lack – of confidence, of clarity, of self-knowing, of creativity, of joy. We unknowingly embrace her fear, and express it as anxiety, addiction, stress, depression and self-loathing. This unresolved tension between what is not ours and going against our natural essence creates rage; for the unreceived, unreciprocated, unmet love that will never lead to her being happy.

Being happy might not be mother’s goal. 

We take on ways of being, as children, to survive in the shadow of a narcissistic parent or caregiver.  If we don’t become self aware, we might live as though these childhood defences are who we are.  We will feel empty or false, always seeking.  We are not our defences. Our essence lives underneath, shining as brightly as the day we were born. 

Two questions help begin the process of untangling from a narcissistic parent:

1-what does a realistic relationship look like? (Aka not dreaming the other will change) 

2-what boundaries will I want in place?

The answers are for us alone, helping us claim healthy distance for our self and declaring what we value in relationship, rather than tipping into defensiveness.  It is really powerful to answer these two questions. 

Narcissistic mothers would be horrified to read this post. She would take it as a personal attack from an angry child, because we are angry with her, and we cannot discuss it with her on the one-way street. Practising boundaries and learning who we are inside will set us free to be a healthy adult.

 Toko-pa Turner’s beautiful book Belonging  is a great read about mother. 

We need to talk about mother. Many of us are in a wounded relationship with her. We need support to understand we cannot make others be happy. Living life as a wounded child is not love, it is fear and we deserve more. We deserve to shine our bright, loving light. 

I hope by sharing I offer a safe space for you to reflect upon mother.  To me, this is a foundation piece before divine feminine can be realized. Mental health professionals are invaluable to get to know our self.  And I am here if you would like to connect. 

Love,

Kim

 

 

 

 

 

May 31, 2019 0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterest
Love like feathers on air
Blog

Love like feathers on air

by Kim Curd April 13, 2019
written by Kim Curd

Love moves lightly…like feathers on air

Look for feathers today.
In all places; online, spoken word and rhymes.
Floating to you, landed for you,
An exhale of Love for you.

Continue Reading

April 13, 2019 0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterest
Perhaps the better question is, “Am I the one for you?”
Blog

Perhaps the better question is, “Am I the one for you?”

by Kim Curd April 6, 2019
written by Kim Curd

Am I willing to accept you into our herd, as you are, as you want to be, or do I place an expectation upon you, that you alone carry?

Four special souls found their way to me, coming as one herd, to a newcomer in heartfelt presence. Now a choice to be made…to welcome an other because of promises of bareback, ease and gentle nudges of freedom, or to welcome her because she is welcome.

Continue Reading
April 6, 2019 0 comment
1 FacebookTwitterPinterest

Keep in touch

Facebook Instagram Youtube

Follow Me

Kim Curd

Book Living Lightly Dale Curd and Kim Alexander Curd

Recent Posts

  • Being Friends with Snakes

  • Healing Our Relationship to Mother

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Youtube

@2019 - All Rights Reserved.


Back To Top